Did I Ever Tell You?, Drama/Romance Options

[Liza]

Hi

I was just thinking about HP and came up with the idea for this rather short ficlet. I wasn't quite sure where to put it ... the Drama or Romance section. Well, seeing as it is a little more dramatic than romantic I decided to post it here.

Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, Harry Potter belongs to JKR.
The idea for this ficlet is mine.

Did I Ever Tell You?

Snowflakes were being forced to dance about in the air by a fierce, icy wind, having to accept their fate. Over the whistling of the wind no birds were to be heard, one could have thought they had been knocked off their branches onto the thick layer of snow that had fallen.

The inhabitants of St Ottery Catchpole had closed all the doors and windows of their houses and even drawn the curtains. Nobody was able to understand why a tall and lanky man with flaming red-hair was walking through the deserted streets in this weather.

His face was ghostly pale and every breath of cold air he took was painful. He was clutching a beautiful white rose in his left hand, not even feeling the thorns cutting into his flesh. Physical pain didn't matter to him anymore.

He stared up at the cloudy sky and a single, hot tear trickled down his face. His best mate's words were still ringing in his ears.

You have to move on. I know it's hard to walk away and leave her behind, but you have to stop living in the past.

It took him forever to walk up the hill, forever to lick his lips and start to speak to her.

"Here I am, Hermione. Just like I promised. And a promise made is a promise kept." He smiled and stared down at his feet. "I'm as unsentimental as usual."

"Well, there's so much I'd like to say to you but I'm freezing." He sighed. "I came here today because there is one last thing I have to tell you." His voice was trembling.

Then he smiled, ignoring the tears glistening on his face and said: "Did I ever tell you that I love you? If not, I am now. I love you."

And without looking at her name on the tombstone, he laid the rose onto her grave and turned around to walk away.


© Liza,
October 2006

[PaulaMcG]

Liza,
First of all, welcome to our community of writers and readers on the Snitch fanfic forum. I also want you (and other new writers who might see this post) to know that I found you as a writer thanks to the feedback you've posted on other people's stories. As I've just said in a reply to your introduction post, both the contents and the style of your recent reviews have been so good that I got curious.

Your grammar, spelling and punctuation are faultless, as far as I can see, in this piece of fiction, too. Besides, you describe the setting and the character in wonderfully evocative words.

While reading I couldn't help wondering, though, why you chose to write so much in the passive voice at the beginning. The mixture of allowing us to share the character's feelings and of showing him from an outside perspective surprised me, too. But perhaps your intention was to offer us a melodramatic picture painted by an omniscient narrator.

I particularly like these simple phrases: "Here I am, Hermione. Just like I promised. And a promise made is a promise kept - Well, there's so much I'd like to say to you but I'm freezing."

I'll be looking forward to seeing more fic and more reviews from you.

Eija

[tazzy]

Ooooohh i like it! are you going to continue writing it?

[bri]

this is so sweet... short but sweet i really admire your style of writing, i must say that every last sentence of this was gripping i really loved it! can't wait for more of your fics...
Bri

[Liza]

PaulaMcG (or do you prefer to be called Eija ): Wow, thank you. I dunno why but strangely I take myself a lot of time with my reviews because I always think the writer probably spent hours writing a chapter and deserves at least a thorough review.
Anyway, I'm flattened that you like my little Ficlet. Basically I switched the perspectives because I got the idea for this Fic while walking home and in my mind I saw Ron walking through St Ottery Catchpole and somehow I couldn't help but put that image into words. ^__^
So a big thanks for reading and thinking about my Fic.

tazzy: I'm really glad you like it. *throws confetti* I won't continue this particular Fic because I like it the way it is but I'm currently working on a longer FanFiction that I am intending to post soon. Thanks for reading!


bri: Wow, thanks. It took me about 5 minutes to think of a sentence to finish the story with. So I'm really relieved you like it. Thanks for your review. (=

[PaulaMcG]

Liza,
Well, I spend weeks writing a novel installment or a short story, months writing a complete extensive chapter for my Remus novel. Some people perhaps spend less time on reading through their one-shots or updates than reviewers like you and me do. I don't know what writers deserve, but it is at least an act of kindness to consider what to say about a piece of fic and to try your best to say it in correct language. Or perhaps, for some people who are writers at heart, spending a lot of time on a review is not a totally selfless act. Finding the right words to describe my reading experience and my interpretation of a story is a pleasure to me, particularly when I get the impression that the original writer, too, has something to say and cares about how to say it.

I'm so glad to see that you've got other reviews, too, and they've made you happy. It's also good to hear that you've started working on a longer fic. Fanfic-reading Snitchers usually enjoy following works-on-progress (and at least for me one of the main reasons for writing a novel in the fandom is the chance for interaction during the writing process). However, I agree with you that this lovely little piece is complete as it is.

I think bri meant that she liked each and every sentence in your story, not only the closing line. It seems to me that you've considered each sentence and spent some time on this story, as you say you spend on your reviews, too. As for the closing line, I first felt it was perhaps too casual, but then I realized you had used the words "walk away" earlier, so maybe they had more than the simple literal meaning.

In my fiction I prefer attempting at an (immediate) illusion of sharing a single viewpoint character's consciousness (in short stories mainly by using the first person and the present tense, but that is certainly not the most popular technique in fanfiction). However, I try to see the merits in other choices of perspective. Perhaps it's easier for some readers to enter the story gradually by first looking at the setting and the figure of the character in it, before you invite them to share Ron's feelings and thoughts. Perhaps it's just me who'd rather read a description of how the tears feel on his cheeks, instead of how they glisten.

Oh, you can call me PaulaMcG or Paula, if you want to, but most Snitchers with whom I've discussed fic call me Eija.

[Liza]

You're right, Eija, sorry bri, you enjoyed every sentence ^__^ Well, that's even better

Hmm ... I guess you're right about the tears, maybe it would be more gripping if the reader would get to know how the tears feel on Ron's cheeks, I think I might edit that sentence *ponder*

About the last sentence ... I dunno, somehow I thought it ought to be casual and significant, by putting in the "walk away" I thought of the way I had used it before and I wanted it to sound casual because Ron was going to go back into his normal every-day life ...


Liza

[Sun Shang Xiang]

This short story was very gripping and I really liked the way you had written it. It was simple, but still filled with so much emotion.
I would love to read more of your stories

Rebecka

[Liza]

Thanks for reading (and liking ), Rebecka.

Admittedly, it is very short but I'm really glad you enjoyed it all the same. Thank you for posting a review! I really value your guys' opinions ...

[*Liliana*]

Ah, I love this story. Your writing is very vivid and precise. Although the story is sad and short, it nonetheless is very eloquent and bittersweet. Keep up with the great work, dearie.

[Liza]

*smiles broadly* Liliana, I am so happy that you chose to read my Fic since I am a fan of yours.

I'm really glad you like it ... yeah, it is short. hehe
I'm also pleased that you like my writing style. *grins*

So thanks for popping in and taking the time to read my ficlet.

[melissa m]

Wow! I really like this fic. You have a way with words! I would love to read more of your work!

[Liza]

Hey melissa,

thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I'm very happy that you like my short fic, it's really made my day since I'm having a few little problems at the time and don't have much to feel pleased about.

Your wish is my command I'm currently writing a romance fic and might be posting the first chapter soon ... (:

So thanks for popping in,

Liza
x o x